It's About The Weight, Stupid

I am fat. Actually, I am obese. I came to that realization over the last week, after acurately weighing myself for the first time in months and then plugging those rather large numbers into “weight-loss calculators” on the web. Granted, I don't know how accurate those things really are, but considering everyone I tried came back with the same conclusion – obese – I'll assume I have a problem here.
This is a problem for me on any number of levels. One, I knew I was overweight, but not considered technically obese. When you're overweight, you can kinda “wordplay” your way around how you actually look. I was “stocky.” Heck, that almost sounds attractive, right? I was plump. Who doesn't like plump? I can't think of one instance where I have heard the word plump used and thought “ewww.” Even fat can be kind of fun. Fat people are jolly. Fat people, a lot of times, are funny, with a lot of personality, a lot of charm, and attractive in their own way. That was me all over, baby! Fat and fun to be around.
But obese? That makes me part of the problem. That means diabetes and injections into my fat stomach and not being able to move from my car to my apartment without needing oxygen.
The other eye-opening thing for me is that, for the first time in my life, I am pushing up dangerously close to the 300 pound mark. I am 288. I am 6'1”, and I am 32-years old. That means I am 12 pounds away from 300, staring 33-years old smack in the face.
Wow. That will wake you up in the morning.
The truth is I had begun the process of trying to lose weight a while ago because, quite frankly, I haven't felt as good as I would like for a long, long time. There are aches and pains that shouldn't be there. Every time I feel some tightness in or around my chest I wonder whether I am about to keel over from a heart attack in my early 30's, then the pain goes away and I realize it was probably a pulled muscle, no doubt strained under the pressure of supporting my fat ass.
I don't play sports anymore, at all. No more basketball. No more tennis. No more volleyball. Nothing that requires any physical exertion. I know I won't last more than a few minutes, so why subject myself to it? Why embarrass myself, especially around friends who haven't allowed themselves to got to shit?
I also realize that, if I really want to find someone in this life, someone to start a family with, I need to lose weight. Look, I we can all play the game about “loving yourself” and having “confidence.” We can talk about feeling attractive even when you're not model material, but if you have to talk yourself into confidence, or feeling good about how you look, then it aint gonna last, and you're not going to find someone you're truly attracted to, and someone who is truly attracted to you.
I am 32, going to be 33 in a few months. For the first time in my life I care about finding someone with whom I can begin a long-term relationship and, having come to this crossroads in my life, I find myself wandering in the land of the obese.
Sufficit to say, something has to change.
So, a while back, I began changing my eating habits little by little. It has been a slow process but I know I have to actually change my lifestyle if I am going to change my weight and my health.
But, now, it is go time. I want to lose real weight, not just a little here and a little there. I had thought I was about 265 or 270. Being 288, I realize I need to lose serious, serious weight.
Ideally? I want to get down to about 210 pounds. If I work out, add some muscle, I figure that would be a good landing spot. I think 210 pounds puts me in the “I can take my shirt off and not worry about scaring little children” range.
How long is that going to take?
I want to achieve that by this time (January 24) next year. I think 12 months should be enough to lose 78 pounds. But, my short-term goal right now is to be down anywhere between 15 and 20 pounds by March 16. That's when I leave for Vegas with my friends for a few days, and I would like to be at a new level at that point. That means February has to be a real dedication on my part.
I am not going all new-age diet on anyone for this. I am sticking to one principle: less calorie intake and more activity means I'll be losing weight. I am just not going to take in the amount of calories I have. I am just going to try and eat a little healthier, and make sure my meals are smaller. I'm not starving myself, just being smarter, and I am making a commitment to working out at least 3 times a week, hopefully four times.
The biggest thing? I have to teach myself not to eat when I'm bored. I don't know how many times I have found myself eating because, hell, there aint nothing better to do. That adds calories, which adds fat, which makes me obese, which makes me mad........I don't like be mad.
Will it work? It has to. There isn't any excuse this time. This is my 2011 “no excuse” year. No more feeling bad for myself. No more getting down about being fat, being alone, being less than what I could be. It's all there for the taking. I am in control of it all. I don't have to be this way. Simply put, I won't be any more.
It all sounds good now, but how long will it last? I am committed to making sure it lasts from now till the end of my life.
So, why blog?
Mainly because it seems to have helped other people. I have read numerous stories about individuals looking to lose weight, chronicling their efforts online. It seems to provide added motivation. A blog is there. The success and failure is there, for not only you to see but others to see as well.
I also hope that, if people find this blog, they will share their own stories, struggles, and, maybe if I am successful in losing the weight I want, perhaps I can offer people hope that it's possible for them, as well.
Look I don't need the federal government to come in and tell me what I can and cannot eat. I just need myself, my prayers, my willpower. That's all. We'll see what the equals in 2011.
Right now, we start at this number: 288.